“Sneeze into your food and no one will try to steal it.” #writing #throwawayline

“He shoved the broom handle at the creature’s heart. The wood hit a rib and slipped off, as the fiend hissed and screeched in pain. His attempt to kill the thing was a fatal mistake.” #writing #throwawayline

“Gods come and go. That tells you they are all false. That’s why I pray to the rock.” “He was a better actor than wrestler.” #throwawayline

“He was raised by an armory of aardvarks. He grew up to be a top notch investigator, sniffing out crimes and corruption.” #writing #throwawayline

“No, I’m not hard of herring.” #throwawayline

“It’s called dozing when you sleep because you sound like a bulldozer.” #writing #throwawayline

“Do you tap or hold your widget?” #throwawayline #ios

“Life is full of f(x).” #writing #throwawayline

“Old people own old things. Old people like to be reminded of old times. They don’t like new-fangled ideas or kids on their lawn.” #writing #throwawayline

“Can I have a ginger ale, please?” “We only have mary ann ale.” #writing #throwawayline

“Laughter isn’t medicine, If it were, we’d all be taking it.” #writing #throwawayline

“He was a great actor, which is why they always hired him to play dead bodies.” #writing #throwawayline

“Back in my day, everyone got a fairy godmother. Now? All we get is pizza delivery.” #writing #throwawayline

“She stared into my eyes. Her’s were limpid pools of something that resembled lime jello. I wondered how they’d taste.” #writing #throwawayline

“His voice dripped disgust as his saliva poured onto his sandwich as he worked to insult me.” #writing #throwawayline

“What’s the weirdest joke you’ve ever encountered?” “You.” #writing #throwawayline

“Snark is a munition that should be regulated.” #writing #throwawayline

“Life has many colors. Too bad people refuse to acknowledge all but one.” #writing #throwawayline

“The sound on the TV is messed up.” “So is my life.” #writing #throwawayline

“Her legs were inverted cones. His face was a sphere. They had nothing in common apart from their volumes being equal.” #writing #throwawayline

“Humans claim love and human kindness are the answer. No one asks what the question is. Love may conquer all, but power and hate trumps love nine times out of ten.” #writing #throwawayline

“Run like the wind, or like your nose in the wind.” #writing #throwawayline

“Squirrels aren’t big on nuts. After all, they stay away from you.” #writing #throwawayline

“I have what it takes. Luckily, it never takes anything.” #writing #throwawayline

“Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead! If you have any live ones, they’re two-for-one today.” #writing #throwawayline