“Can I have a ginger ale, please?” “We only have mary ann ale.” #writing #throwawayline

“Laughter isn’t medicine, If it were, we’d all be taking it.” #writing #throwawayline

“He was a great actor, which is why they always hired him to play dead bodies.” #writing #throwawayline

“Back in my day, everyone got a fairy godmother. Now? All we get is pizza delivery.” #writing #throwawayline

“She stared into my eyes. Her’s were limpid pools of something that resembled lime jello. I wondered how they’d taste.” #writing #throwawayline

“His voice dripped disgust as his saliva poured onto his sandwich as he worked to insult me.” #writing #throwawayline

“What’s the weirdest joke you’ve ever encountered?” “You.” #writing #throwawayline

“Snark is a munition that should be regulated.” #writing #throwawayline

“Life has many colors. Too bad people refuse to acknowledge all but one.” #writing #throwawayline

“The sound on the TV is messed up.” “So is my life.” #writing #throwawayline

“Her legs were inverted cones. His face was a sphere. They had nothing in common apart from their volumes being equal.” #writing #throwawayline

“Humans claim love and human kindness are the answer. No one asks what the question is. Love may conquer all, but power and hate trumps love nine times out of ten.” #writing #throwawayline

“Run like the wind, or like your nose in the wind.” #writing #throwawayline

“Squirrels aren’t big on nuts. After all, they stay away from you.” #writing #throwawayline

“I have what it takes. Luckily, it never takes anything.” #writing #throwawayline

“Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead! If you have any live ones, they’re two-for-one today.” #writing #throwawayline

“Some people hate people because they think it’s the cool thing to do.” #writing #throwawayline #life

“You fed the cat?” “No. That was autocorrect. I refueled the car.” #writing #throwawayline

“A box of luck costs you more than what you should pay for it.” #writing #throwawayline

“Two miles down the road. That’s where they live. That’s why you could never visit. They were always two miles down the road, no matter how fast you drove.” #writing #throwawayline

“Fireworks! That’s was her kiss: bright lights, loud sounds, multicolored starbursts. Or maybe it was just a missile attack that would kill him.” #writing #throwawayline

“I broke my guitar.” “Don’t fret.” #writing #throwawayline

“There entire family had intestinal problems. It runs in the family.” #writing #throwawayline

“The sea was calm. What lurked beneath was not.” #writing #throwawayline

“He was a vegan by choice, carnivore by nature.” #writing #throwawayline