“He was tired, so he decided to get a lifeectomy.” #writing #throwawayline

“Politics is for the unemployable. Money helps.” #writing #throwawayline

“Sometimes, lad, the best secrets are hidden in the dark—and kept there.” #writing #throwawayline

“Boy, just because someone shines, it don’t mean they bring the light.” #writing #throwawayline

“You don’t need to laugh to look funny.” #wriring #throwawayline

“He was caught in Omaha’s tourist trap and could never leave.” #writing #throwawayline

“The last thing you need is death.” #writing #throwawayline

“The sky is blue because it’s sad we continue to mess up.” #writing #throwawayline

“He was married to his job. He wanted a divorce.” #wriing #throwawayline

“Don’t live your lie. Live your life.” #writing #throwawayline

“Being famous is hard work. That’s why I’m lazy.” #writing #throwawayline

“Time runs out of the door screaming.”#writing #throwawayline

“Ramon. That is my name. My parents thought it sounded sexy, but I wanted to be a tax accountant.” #writing #throwawayline

“He was relieved to see her leave without anger or violence, for now The future was unknown, for now.” #writing #throwawayline .

“Other people’s sweat is not better than yours.” #throwawayline

“He ripped her eyes out because they were easier to find than her heart.” #writing #throwawayline

“No one died of embarrassment, except for Mildred Stretch who, in 1888, upon hearing her petticoat was showing fainted dead away.” #writing #throwawayline

“He was a god unlike every other god who claimed he was the only one. He offered a service that let you compare gods online to determine which one would save you the most money.” #writing #throwawayline

“Her face was like an old road that had seen a lot of traffic.” #writing #throwawayline

“He was a farmer looking for love and all he found was a pig.” #writing #throwawayline

Overheard: “She was camel-toed…” That would be a great business in the desert. Towing with camels. #writing #throwawayline

“Don’t let them pull the wool over your eyes. Insist on statin.” #writing #throwawayline

“Prove you are worthy of my trolling.” #writing #throwawayline

“Keep shiving until they’re dead.” #writing #throwawayline

“Death Is an Uber Driver” — title. #writing #throwawayline